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Status: Married
Age: 30
Sign: Gemini

Country: United Kingdom
Signup Date: June 18, 2020

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Category: Uncategorized

Trigger Warnings: Pregnancy, Birth Mentioned, Medical, Misgendering, Deadnaming
to live with a female  body;
it would have been fine!
if only that body  
happened to be  mine

For the hundredth  time since he had arrived at the A&E he heard the resounding  “she” in regards to himself.

He wasn’t sure which  was worse. The crippling bands of tightening around his stomach. Or the  onset of nausea the word brought on as it made him painfully aware of  his assigned birth gender.

“Miss... Cara Lockhart,  is that you?”

He recoiled.  

“Whaa... no. Wait, yes.” The words fumbled from his  lips and into the air like smoke or poison.

“Ethan,”  he corrected. “My name...”
Pain, again. This seemed like it  would never end.

“Oh fucking hell,”  

The nurse examined the chart and back at him.  “But... it says Cara on the intake forms.”

This was  not the moment he wanted to correct someone on his name.  

The name change was in progress but his legal  documents still displayed the deadname he abandoned ages ago.  

“My name is Ethan.” He mumbled when the pain  subsided.

God, where was Holden when he needed  him?

At this point he might even welcome his parents  there. Anyone with a familiar face.

A confused look  spread across the nurse’s face as a team of 3 others joined the side of  the gurney.

“No worries, sir.” The male nurse shot a  glare at the nurse as he emphasized the word sir.  

“We will take good care of you Ethan.”  

Ethan watched as the new nurse made a note on the  chart.
Doctors and nurses moved about the room  with monitors and lines to attach to him.  

Everything seemed to happen so quickly that he  wasn’t sure what was going on.

It wasn’t until he  heard the familiar sound of his best friend’s voice echoing down the  hallway that he began to understand.

“That’s my best  friend in there!” The voice shouted and a smile spread on Ethan’s face  as he listened.

After what seemed like forever the  curtain pushed back and in came the one person he knew would always have  his back.

“The nurse refused to let me back.  Something about not being family. I said, listen woman, if anyone is his  family it’ll be me.”

Ethan watched the way the  smile played across Holden’s face as he explained what had happened in  the lobby. “... so I guess they didn’t want a fight or something. They  finally let me back.”

More pain had hit as Holden  spoke, drawing in Ethan’s attention again.

He reached  for his best friend’s hand and this time he was there.  


The midwife gave  a grin and nodded towards the nurse next to  her.

“This baby’ll be here any moment now I think.  Miss.” Again with the miss and ma’am.

“It’s sir you  kumquat. If you don’t get it right I’ll file a report.”  

If it weren’t for the new wave of contractions Ethan  might have responded to Holden’s threat with a laugh. But he was  focusing on breathing through the pain.  

Hours had passed until finally a cry  was heard through the room.

First soft. Then louder  and more prominent.

“Congratulations Sir. You have a  daughter.”

A wiggly and wet baby was handed to him  and he felt a wave of emotions as he looked at her.  

Completely unexpected, but perfectly welcomed.  

Words were failing him as he stared at the tiny baby  and held onto her fingers.

Holden beamed like the  proudest uncle a kid had ever been given.  

“Evelyn...” Ethan finally said with almost a  whisper. “Sweet  Evelyn.”

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